Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Simple Pleasures

1. Chocolate

2. Flannel Sheets

3. Great Books

4. Letter from a friend

5. A Hubby who scrapes the windshield for me

6. Comfy jeans and a sweatshirt

7. A new project

8. Swingin' in the hammock (summer, wherefore art thou summer?)

9. Stuff I love displayed in my home

10. Great music

and a moment of silence... one of my favorite magazines is no longer. Farewell Mary Engelbreit.

Sunday, January 25, 2009


per-cep-tion : 1. The process, act, or or faculty of perceiving. 2. The effect or product of perceiving. 3. The awareness of the external world, or some aspect of it, through physical sensations and the interpretation of these by the mind.
Perception, to me, is a filter, a filter that colors every event, and makes it impossible to clearly view each moment. Every experience we have ever had is mixed into this filter, and those experiences color our view. This is why two people can experience the same event and each relate that experience to another in entirely different points of view. We see this all the time in parent child relationships. A child 's perception is so different from a parents. A parent rarely does anything to intentionally hurt or wound a child, and yet the child is wounded by the parents action and perceives it as hurt. How many times did you tell your parents you hated them, or that they were the meanest in the whole world? And yet, when you become the parent, and hear those words, they wound only slightly, because you know what your intent was, and it wasn't to hurt, but possibly to teach.
I wonder what our lives would be like if we could turn that filter off? If we could see another's actions, not through our perceptions but with our hearts, would we spend as much time being hurt, feeling left out, or different? Would we compare ourselves to others, and find our selves lacking? Would we fight and bicker over meaningless things with those we love and care for? Or would we see the intent behind the action? If we stopped and tried to adjust our point of view before we reacted, or judged, or assumed intent, would we be happier, more secure in ourselves? Would we discover more friends? There is an Indian saying about walking a mile in another's moccasins. If we truly bore one another's burdens, would the colors in our filter fade? My hope is that it is so. That if we do as President Benson said, and "try a little harder, to do a little better" that the colors of our internal filter will fade and we will learn to see clearly with the heart.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Before they were too big to hold...

My Son, just a few hours old!

My Daughter, the little sister!

Too big to hold

“Too big to hold”. The title of an article I was reading, but the implications caught my mind and it wandered…
Eighteen and twenty-one. Years. Old. My sweet babies are too big to nestle in my arms, to hold, just below my heart, but the memory is etched forever on my being. I cuddled each in my arms when they were mere moments from Heaven and my soul leapt in recognition. Our eyes met and a glimpse of Home swirled away in the depths of each blue/black galaxy gaze, as they peered back at me with a slightly unfocused, stunned expression. My heart captured that fleeting moment, of sharing the miracle of creation, experiencing a tiny window of becoming a celestial being. Too big to hold are my feelings of inadequacy in the care and nurture of these celestial gift‘s, and I wonder, does my expression reflect theirs? Are we both stunned by the fear we feel? How long before they realize I’m faking my mother role?

Too big to hold. Now, twenty-one years later, the stunned expression is a part of my countenance. The joy tempers the sorrow, and in spite of my mistakes, my inexperience at parenting, they progressed. I am daily impressed and scared to tears and prayer by their individual ness. I take no credit, they were gifted with incredible spirits from birth.
I know now, they knew I was faking it all along, as they were sent to teach me. From them I am learning to continue to try even when I keep landing on my bottom. To reach, even if what I’m focusing on is just beyond my grasp. To know I can do something, just because I think I can. I am trying to learn to love unconditionally, to be a better daughter, mother, wife, sister, and friend.

Too big to hold. My gratitude to Heavenly Father for the opportunity to grow and be taught. My joy in my children, and my prayers for their future. My sorrows in my impatience at their demands, and the opportunities to grow that were and are missed, due to my selfish desires. The knowledge (and terror) that my lessons aren’t in any way learned, and I must continue to be taught and tested. And the desire to learn the lessons, and return with honor to my Heavenly home.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Yesterday was my sweet husband Jim's birthday. He was reminiscing (lamenting?) the fact that I had celebrated as many birthdays with him as his parents had! We've now been married as long as we were single.. it doesn't seem possible. I've been thinking about the phases we experience in life, and how each phase can be painful while we are experiencing it, but so bittersweet to look back on. A friend was expressing the difficulty of working, having a baby to care for, trying to finish school, and trying to spend time with her husband, take care of the home, her church assignments, and what-have you..She struggled to relate to another friend who is a stay at home mom and enjoys sewing, crafting, re-purposing, and decorating her home. I can so remember those feelings. I think sometimes there are so many choices, so many things we want to do, and sometimes all we can do is all we can do. We may want to achieve other equally worthy goals, but the ones we are pursuing are all we can handle. And we need to be OK with that. I am at a new stage in life, where I have the time I fervently wished for when my children were small, and now it weighs heavy on my shoulders. Oh sure, there are a million things I could, organize, clean, but nothing I sincerely desire the time to do. (except travel the world, but the monetary wishes I've wished for have never appeared so whatdya do?) now I jokingly wish for an "oh and mom I forgot to tell you, I need to make a diorama that's due tomorrow, and we're having a class party and I'm supposed to bring a treat, and mom could you help me???" Oh, and pretty please just one more tiny arm creeping around my neck and warm breath tickling my ear with a soft, mommy, I love you. Cherish the moments, they flee so quickly by.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Things I'm grateful for..

Beautiful open spaces. A beautiful daughter, who is fun as can be.. My wonderful husband, who tries his best to make us all happy, A fantastic son who is always willing to jump in with whatever.. Friends and family who are always there when we need them. My list could go on and on.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

just getting started..

I so enjoy the blogs of friends I thought it was time to try my own! It will be obvious I will need lots of assistance!!!